I Don't Know What This is Called

I am just gonna plain blog it today because I havent been on in a long time and I promised people I would update all the time which I haven't been. So I have been in a couple issues these past few months and I have come to realize that I am so glad I made this one desicion because my bestie was right...never will happen. He has a way of being "blunt" now and that is great for him but he isn't himself anymore. Sometimes we fight over the dumbest things ever even when I don't want to and I almost lost his friendship last week over something dumb. I hate fightin with him. It's like a major heartbreak moment and a steven moment all over again and I can't be through that again. I don't want to lose the friendship we have because we are so awesome around eachother. We laugh over things I wouldn't naturally laugh at. Plus, we have a ton of inside jokes. Why screw that up? It would be very dumb to even do. Then there is my brain twin: now he has been there when no one was there for me because we have the same thoughts and actions. I love him to death and actually started falling for him but now I see that we would have never worked because he lives in oregon on top of the fact he listens to everything and everyone around him. We had a future plan and then it was over in 3 months. We weren't even together technically but it was so real. I loved every minute of it and I don't want to lose him either but I already have lost half of him. He barely talks to me becasuse his dad cancelled his cell phone and then he barely gets online to talk because he works all the time. I miss our summers and I miss our late night conversations. I have never cried that hard with someone before...ever! It was like he ripped my heart and took it with him to Oregon. I am MADLY IN LOVE WITH CORY AUSTIN RITTER! I don't want anyone else and I have come to realize he was always there for me. I mean he told off steven when steven broke my heart. He e-mailed him to tell him to leave me alone. I mean he is so protective of me. He tells me if anyone hurts me he will hurt them even if he loses trying. Why would I want to lose someone like that over something I thought I wanted? He makes me happy and I can't think of anyone better for me. He is just....someone so special and dear to me. I also have thought a lot about my life for the future adn I have stuck to a plan now. I am gonna go to beauty school next year and then UK the year after I graduate for business classes and then I am gonna open my own salon. It sounds silly but it is a dream. I even thought about maybe going into guard for college. I love color guard but I don't know maybe both! I just know my school plans and possibly my wedding plans:) I mean think about it...I graduate next year, This time next year I will be counting down days til I graduate and shake Mr. Huckstep's hand. I am ready for what is coming and I hope to live because I have also thought about this: what if God came tonight? I would have so much regret and I wouldnt be ready to go to heaven in fact I doubt he would accept me into heaven because I haven't been the best I can be for him. I hope to make it to have kids before he comes for the believers. I can't wait to see him! I am tryin to keep a positive attitude from now on and act like nothing has happened these past few months that shouldnt have happened. I shouldnt have allowed doubt in my mind for cory because I can tell he is being serious and I know he is the one. Its the way he looks at me and tells me he loves me and our personal moments when he is so amazing and adorable. I am tired of fighting and I am tired of drama so if there is any drama dont count me in. I would rather not go into it. I am tired of people asking me to take sides because from here on I am friends with everyone REGARDLESS of what the world around me thinks. I can be friends with whoever I want and I can like/love whoever I want and if that bothers you then take it somewhere else because I cant handle the stress anymore. My acne is becoming nasty! Now that my thoughts are gone I am done with this blog...happy blog tomorrow I promise!
Phi